We’re putting up some statements and phrases that marriage therapists
consider deadly to your relationship. The sooner you take them off of
your vocab list, the better in terms of your relationship.
1. “You are acting just like your mother.”
When you too are in an argument, just focus on your partner and
yourself. Comparing your partner to your in-laws isn’t fair or funny. It
diverts the topic from your problem at hand.
Bringing in outsiders in personal matters isn’t a pretty sight no
matter the nature of your relationship. It’s symbolic of your inability
to tackle the issue with the end result that you thrust it on someone
outside your relationship. Everyone deserves benefit of the doubt.
2. “I think you’ve put on some weight.”
Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse about his or her appearance are
out of line. If you notice that your partner is gaining weight or
getting fat, be constructive about it and help them in the process of
getting back in shape and being healthy again, instead of being
extremely critical about them and making them fall into depression or
feel less of themselves.
3. “You don’t need to wait up for me.”
“This seemingly innocent remark suggests you are not going to bed at the
same time, a habit that can be damaging to your relationship”, said
Robyn Wahlgast, a dating and relationship coach for women.
“You should view shared bedtime as a way to strengthen your
connection with your partner — it’s a powerful form of physical
intimacy, with or without sex,” she said. “Saying OK to separate
bedtimes enables behaviors that destroy intimacy, such as solitary
porn-watching and flirty messaging with friends or co-workers.”
4. “I really hate it when you do that…” (said in public, especially around friends and family).
“Bringing your spouse down in front of others is a huge no-no in a
relationship, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in
Little Rock, Arkansas. “It makes them feel humiliated in front of others
– others who know them – and by their own partner, not any outsider.”
True love, respect and appreciation demands wholeheartedly that you
defend your partner no matter what – especially when it gets rough.
They count on you most of the time to defend them so if you fail to
do that, how do you think that would make them feel? Sure, you do not
have to like each and everything your spouse does. But nonetheless, that
does not, in any way, give you the right to just negate whatever they
did or said in front of people, you know? You have to stay on each
other’s team no matter what because it’s you both up against the world.